Pale_death's den

There was something wrong with Lavinia, something massive that was after her life.

They were voices in her head, unpleasant, intrusive, persuasive and disturbing noise that persisted.

Lavinia leaned backward on the leather chair she was sitting on for the past few hours. She rubbed her hand on her thigh numerous times, but her hand was moist the more she cleaned it.

“Lavi.” Her mom’s authoritative voice was the only thing keeping her sane. The voices were harsher the more she was seated, and the more she was alive, the more she felt the need to die.

“I thought you said you stopped the drugs, I thought you said you were okay. I thought the Therapist said you were okay. I paid–” It was all about how much they paid for her therapy. They thought money could stop the ache in her heart.

Lavinia smiled at her mom’s lost of words. She nodded her head, and looked at Lavinia with eyes that only she could upheld. But those were lies. She knew better than to believe her mom actually cared for her.

“I talked with Dr. Anne, she said you were not cooperating. Lavi.”

She walked towards her, the image of her hand touching the desk lingered. Lavi’s mom dropped on her knees, and took her hand in hers.

It’s always about the money. The voices said, or was she the one who said it? She couldn’t decipher who was who. The world was vast, and suddenly she was an atom.

“Why? Don’t you want to get better?” she was asked this question frequently, and her heart still beat whenever she was asked.

“Mom, I’m not depressed,” she said with an urge in her voice. Like she needed to be saved. “I want to die, and there’s a difference.” Why can’t they just understand her need to die? The need to cease existence.

“You will go back to therapy, have those session with Dr. Anne, and get better.” The decision was final. Lavinia had nothing to say. She held her head high as she waited with anticipation.

“I have anhedonia, not depressed. For God’s sake.” Lavinia removed her hand from her mother’s.

The voices were back, and this time they were more persistent than usual. And the only way to make them stop was to die for good.

As she stumbled out of her mom’s office, with a heavy heart. She knew there was no going back, she was going to die.